My heart pounded. The red flag I missed was that in years prior, he’d never been secretive about passwords on his phone, e-mail, and Facebook; we shared those things openly. If your husband has changed his protocol and passwords, it may be a sign he is cheating on you, especially if he’s doing any other things mentioned below.
Sign #1: He started manscaping and getting buff.
Yes, it’s nice for a man to groom himself, but when he starts shaving and trimming down more than he’s ever done in the past, it’s something to question. Is he more enamored with his own body than yours when you stand next to him in front of the bathroom mirror? That’s a big red flag. My ex even had me shave the back of his neck and trim the errant patches on his mid-back, and little did I know I was grooming him for his sex partners.
Of course, physical fitness is healthy, but when it becomes obsessive and he keeps showing off his abs and biceps, take that as a warning sign that could lead to him to become more enthralled with his own body than his commitment to your marriage.
Sign #2: He stopped inviting me out to business events.
Is he out several nights a week meeting with clients, vendors, agencies, and people from his department or team? Have you been excluded from the social gatherings, but then learn other spouses had attended? This is a pretty good indication and a sign of cheating. It may not be infidelity, but he’s flirting with it, as well as some woman who “understands” how hard he works.
My husband told me he didn’t want me around at business parties because he felt inhibited around me and responsible for me. In the past, he’d stand close to me and I was welcome at business functions. The important thing is to look for changes in what had been the norm.
Sign #3: He had new moves in the bedroom.
Where’d you learn that? Those were my exact words after he did something a little different during sex. Unless you’ve both discovered some new technique or position and he does something new that he’s never done before, you will be seeing red… as in, a really big red flag.
He also asked me to completely shave off all my “you know where” hair. I kept asking him why he wanted me to do that, but now I know it was because one of the women he had sex with must have had a Brazilian. I’m glad I never did it. Going through heartbreak was bad enough without an itchy regrowth reminder of his betrayal.
Sign #4: He started to drink, smoke, and avoid me more.
Aside from the other women, has he picked up any bad habits? That guilt issue may seep out in self-destructive habits. In those last 2 years, my ex and I were both over consuming alcohol, but it fueled his anger and it numbed my pain. Not a good combination, as it led to arguments, accusations, and hangovers.
I believe his over consumption stemmed from his guilt, or his deep desire to leave me but his inability to tell me. In those chaotic last 2 years, my ex was also trying to hide his cigarettes like his mistresses; but eventually, when you see smoke there’s fire.
Be aware if you notice an uptake in smoking, drinking, gambling, and even spending. Again, you’re keeping an eye out for a change in normal activity. His cheating is like a cancer cell—an abnormal change in behavior—and you’re looking for irregularities.
I finally started wondering why he stayed with me when most of his actions told me he didn’t want to spend time with me. In the beginning of our marriage, he wanted to sit at the table with me and voiced appreciation that I cooked and took care of the house. Pay attention to his actions, not his words and empty promises, it may be a sign he is cheating on you.