Would you like to have a better sex life? Of course you would – but getting there can be a challenge. There are all sorts of companies out there offering drugs that can supposedly help. Many do nothing at all and some can have nasty side effects. The good news is that there are ways you can improve your sex life naturally, and they’re simpler than you might expect.
It all begins with talking with your partner about your sex life. While this might sound obvious, lots of couples don’t really do it. We’re so conditioned to be shy about sex that it can be hard to overcome that even in the bedroom. We worry that the things that turn us on or the things we’d like to try will sound strange, immoral or just silly. But what are you doing going to bed with somebody if you don’t feel safe and comfortable enough to share your secrets? Sometimes making it into a game is a good way to break the ice. The chances are that your partner will have a few secrets too.
As well as talking about what appeals to you, be honest about what’s not working – it might turn out not to matter all that much to your partner, or you might be able to find a different way of approaching it. A good way to pick up the mood after this is simply to talk about the things that turn you on about each other.
If you’ve been having difficulty getting physically aroused, there’s a good chance that poor nutrition is partly to blame. Increase the variety of fruits and vegetables you’re eating to get a better balance of nutrients. Foods rich in Vitamin E, like sweet potato, butternut squash, wheat germ, spinach and avocado, are particularly helpful.
You can supplement your diet with herbs that help to increase sexual arousal. Ginseng and maca have the potential to work for anyone. Angelica is good for women (though it should be avoided in pregnancy) and, ahem, horny goat weed works well for men.
As a rule, the healthier, fitter and more physically flexible you are, the more fun you’ll be able to have in bed. Make sure you get plenty of aerobic exercise in your daily life and incorporate stretches to maintain or even enhance your flexibility. Swimming is particularly good as it’s the only form of exercise other than sex that uses every muscle in your body.
Remember to look after your sexual health, especially if you have multiple partners. If you are having unprotected sex you are at high risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD). If you are concerned about your sexual health it is easy to seek help locally by having discreet STD testing in Denversing condoms – especially combined with a spermicidal lubricant – is the best way to protect yourself from picking up infections.
When you’re in a new relationship, it’s likely that the merest thought of your partner makes you feel excited. Once you’ve been together for a few months or years, that’s likely to fade. A lot of people feel guilty about this, but they shouldn’t – it’s the result of a natural process called hedonic adaptation, whereby your body gets used to a certain kind of pleasure and no longer treats it as special. To get around it, you need something new – but that doesn’t mean you need to find a new partner. Trying new things with your existing partner can help the two of you reclaim the passion you had when you first met. Don’t be shy about suggesting new positions, games or dressing up. Keep a sense of humor about it and let yourselves have fun.
Where sex is concerned, you’d be surprised by how often people forget that it’s supposed to be fun, especially when it isn’t working. If you’re always worried about your performance, impressing your partner or trying to live up to standards you set for yourself when you were much younger and fitter, you’ll end up getting so stressed that your body stops cooperating, and your partner is likely to pick up on your stress too. Sometimes you just need to let go. Spend the evening on another fun activity that makes you feel happy and relaxed, then let sex happen naturally. It doesn’t have to attain some ideal quality – if you’re genuinely having a good time and you’re enthusiastic about your partner, whatever works will please you both.
In the end, good sex isn’t a mystery – it’s about finding somebody you like who likes you, discovering things you both enjoy, and making sure you stay in good enough shape to keep enjoying them. Set shame and shyness and nerves aside and embrace one of the few great pleasures life offers us for free.